Pathway Partner

have no guilt

i too have acted poorly.

all the anger and meanness comes on so fast.
of course you react poorly.
now i know none of this is directed to me personally,
but on the onset, the beginning, with no preparation…
it’s gut wrenching. it’s terrible.
do not feel guilty for acting poorly,
just stop.

don’t take it personally…

don’t take anything personally.

this has become my new mantra.
having a loved one with dementia makes me realize,
this is my new mantra for life.

peace at night

late at night, all curled up in a little ball
so peaceful, so vulnerable.
hard to imagine earlier that day

so much anger, hate, volatile behavior
could come out of such a peaceful, vulnerable woman.

Relaxing in the Summertime

Having worked a 9 – 5 job for my entire adult life, this is the first time I have not worked and get to enjoy the summer. My son is out of school for the summer (his first week off) and he’s just “chill-axing” (that’s what he calls it) upstairs while I am downstairs in the office with the windows open listening to the sounds of nature outside. Our dog, Sasha is next to me waiting to see what we’re going to do next. Everyone in the house is in this relaxation mode. This is a mode that I have dreamed about for a long time and have never really experienced. Usually I would be running around like a crazy woman getting everyone off to where ever they have to be with the sustenance they would need for the day in their lunch bag and stainless steel water bottle. Today, I get to hang out with my son and my dog. We worked on the punching bag and tried some push-ups. We’ve discovered that I am not that great with push-ups unless it’s the modified version, but I have all summer to work on that! I think we’re going to take Sasha outside so she can chase her favorite green ball. Maybe she’ll get to show off for her friend Buddy and bark at some squirrels. This would be a great day to read a book and just sit on the back deck. I know everyday this summer won’t be like this so I am really going to savor this day and enjoy every moment of it!

Enjoy every moment yourself and be well…

Everything is just as it should be…

Recently after 25 years of employment, I lost my job. The company I worked for decided it was time to close down, for a host of reasons. At first I was really scared… what would I do for money? How would I make up the shortage? My husband is working, but we also depend on my income. I felt, in a way, that I was letting my family down. After a while, I realized that as much as I loved the ability to work and the ability to have money to help support my family (not to mention the awesome health insurance benefits), that really, I didn’t like my job! I would have quit my job, but who the heck does that when they have a nice income and benefits? I mean, even if you don’t like what you’re doing, do you really throw it away just because you don’t like it? And just because you don’t like your job about 15 years into it… aren’t you supposed to stay? Who cares if you’re following your life dream or if your life dream changes?

Well, apparently it does matter. I have come to the conclusion that I never would have quit my job. I never would have left on my own. I was not following my life’s dream – I wasn’t following my own path and now that I have been forced to do so, it’s really great! I am able to pursue ideas I have had and never pursued. I have been able to spend some time with my son who is still young enough to want me to spend time with him. I have been able to study yoga and get my certification to teach it. I have been able to start some other studies that will enable me (once certified) to teach those topics to others. If I hadn’t lost my job, I would not have met all the wonderful people I have met in the past few months nor would I have learned all the fascinating things they have taught me. I would not have been available to offer assistance to my aging parents who need that attention from time-to-time.
They say things happen for a reason – that all of our life is planned out for us when we are born. Sometimes when you are living your life, you forget these ideas that things do happen for a reason. Sometimes when we are going through some rough times we think “why me?” Because of my job loss, I have been able to follow some dreams I have had but wasn’t able to before. I feel like this is exactly what was suppose to happen for me. I feel like this path I am on right now is just what I need in my life right now. Even though I have been walking along this path for many, many years, now I am walking on the path because I should be. Maybe I was preparing for this path all those years and now I am better able to understand or accept the ideas that have been within me for years. All I know is that this is the right place for me at this time. Everything is just as it should be…
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